Words are my comfort food

My husband calls me a word hog. He says it’s because when I start a new book, he can plan on cooking his own dinner or watching tv by himself. I don’t read in little time blocks. I devour books whole until they are finished.

Sometimes I wish that I read in a different way. Especially if a book is really, really good. I’ll wish that I could have “rationed it out”. I’ll even get jealous when anyone tells me that they’re reading a book that I loved. Oh, to feel that “pull” again!

I’ve always been “that” person. You know, the one who says she’d prefer books to shows. I hear people talking about how good this show or that is. How they’ve binge watched the whole season. I never understood what they meant. Until now.

I need to first tell you that we live in the woods. We are not in city limits. We can’t get trash pick up. Or cable. Or internet. We’ve tried broadband internet. It didn’t work worth a crap. We’ve tried the wireless hub from ATT. It worked a little better, but wasn’t consistent. So, we’ve just always used our cellular service to get on the web. It works fine for YouTube, WordPress, Facebook, etc.

I’ve definitely heard people talking about streaming services. I just never tried it. Then, one day, I did. Oh. My. God. I get it now! We were fans of the History Channel’s show “Vikings”. My husband found the Netflix show “The Last Kingdom. He watched a couple of episodes on his iPad. He was hooked and swore that I would love it too. I was skeptical, but we had nothing but time on our hands due to the CV. I didn’t want to watch a show on an iPad. So, I found the first 3 seasons on DVD from Amazon. I ordered them and they arrived the next week. We sat down after dinner one night. I had a book at the ready, because I was sure that I’d end up in the book and not in the show.

I was wrong. I can honestly say that this is the very first show that I watched empty handed. Meaning, I didn’t have a book to hold. I didn’t want a book to hold. I fell into this show like I normally only fell into books. I was mesmerized. We watched all 3 seasons in a week or so. During that week, Netflix released season 4. But…. but, we don’t have WiFi. And the dvd is not out yet.

I was frantic. I wanted, no, I craved, this show. I started googling how I could watch it. Guess what? I discovered that with a HDMI cord and splitter, I could use my iPad with the TV. Mind Blown. Adrian stopped at Walmart on his way home the next day. He was so excited to find it that he texted me a picture! Yes, we’re easy to please. He bought it and we both decided to wait until after dinner to try it. We were like 2 five year olds on Christmas Eve.

So… as soon as we cleaned up after dinner, we tried hooking it up. And….. it worked! We could watch Netflix on our TV. It didn’t look great, but it sufficed. We watched the entire 4th season in two days. I am officially a binge watcher. I now understand the phrase, “Netflix and chill”. When we had watched every episode of this show, I felt just like I did after a great book. Kind of lost and missing the story. Like a good friend had been visiting and had gone back home.

I picked my Kindle back up. Started looking for a new story to fall into. I’m still a word hog. But now, I realize that I can get my fill with either books or shows. I get it. I’ve always been slow to follow the trends. But, I get there eventually.

The icing on the cake? The Last Kingdom is based on a series of 12 books by Bernard Cornwall. TWELVE books!! So, excuse me while I bury myself in a story. Dinner tonight?? How about a bowl of Lucky Charms?!

Just Toddling Along

I’ve mentioned before that I live with anxiety. I think I might also suffer from depression, but I’ve only been diagnosed with “an anxiety state”. I blamed this anxiety on my chronic pain. But, if I’m honest with myself (I’m trying hard to be so), I think I’ve probably always dealt with anxiety. I used to be so fearful of getting sick. Yep, I’ve always had a touch of hypochondria. I have made myself physically ill before by worrying that something was going to happen to someone I love. Back in high school, I worried about forgetting what I studied. More often than not, I dealt with my anxiety by simply staying in bed. I just shut down. It didn’t matter if it was school or a job. I had a horrible attendance record in both my past education and employment history. I’m trying to not only be truthful to myself, but to also face my faults.

I believe that a person can only truly change if he/she accepts his or her own flaws. You can’t grow in a different direction if you don’t face your faults head on. I want to face them, dissect them and move on. I look back at all of the things that made me anxious. Some as silly as this; I love magazines, but, I HAD to every article on every page. Seriously, if I skipped an article because it didn’t interest me, I couldn’t focus at all. So, I’d go back an read the skipped page or pages. That’s not a huge thing, but it bothered me enough that I read every magazine cover to cover. Sometimes it was something big that caused my anxiety to spike so much that I literally couldn’t get out of bed. Like driving. I’ve always had crazy nerves when I knew I was going to be behind the wheel. I’d go over my intended route hundreds of times in my head. I wouldn’t venture out of the right hand lane unless it was absolutely critical. And making any kind of unprotected left hand turn? Oh, hell no. I’ve gotten past the magazine thing. Now I only read what truly interests me. But, I still have to finish any book that I start, even if I don’t like it. Baby steps, people.

As for the driving? Nope. It’s actually gotten worse. Because of chronic pain, nerve damage and lots of surgeries on my back, it’s incredibly uncomfortable to drive. So I don’t. But, the longer I go without driving, the harder it is for me to even THINK about getting back behind the wheel. My goal is to drive once a week. I usually find that it’s never actually as bad as my mind thought it would be.

I’ll be writing more about my anxieties, my goals and facing my faults. I think it’s best done in little nibbles rather than huge bites. That way I don’t choke on them.